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Charity Rose is my Valentine's Day angel. We tested positive at home with her on February 14, 2002. Normally this would get us all excited, but since we had just lost Sunshine the month before, I could hardly believe it was true. In fact I didn't "feel" pregnant like I had with Sunshine, so I didn't even believe this test!
Like the month before, I tested positive at home twice, went in to my doctor's office, and tested negative. This was quickly becoming the story of my life. When I started bleeding two days later, I thought surely I must be nuts. Was this realy 4 bum home test in a row ? (the two from Sunshine, and the two for Charity) I was so confused, I didn't know what to think.
I went in to see my Primary care Physician, who was really a nurse-practicioner, but one of the best docs I've had. At first she was a little miffed. but then, as she thought about, she thought that it was really strange. How could I have had four bum home tests in a row, when those thing are usually 99% accurate? We decided to run every test in the book on me, to see if maybe there was a thyroid condition, or a hormonal imbalance, or anything that would explain this. A couple of weeks later, the results were back. There was absolutly nothing wrong with me. Talk about frustrated. The only thing my doc could say was that for some reason I must have something that triggered false positives at home, so from then on, no home testing! Only come in to the doctor's office, and she would sign off on any test I wanted.
It wasn't until the birth of my daughter via emergency C-Section a year later that I learned the reason for this, and my other two early losses. I have Bi-corunate Uterus. That means that my uterus is shaped like a heart instead of round. The result of this is that all of my babies will be premature, and that I will have more early losses because the shpe of my uterus does not lend well to implantation. So all three, Mysterie Rayne, Sunshine Rae, and Charity Rose, are all losses due to the shape of my uterus. Lately, I've been struggling with this fact, but I've come to realize that there was nothing I could have done. I've been given this problem through genetics, and at least now I have a reason. It doesn't help my feelings of inadequacy, or the feeling that I have a defect. But it does give me peace of mind that at least now I have a reason. We still don't have an answer for Angel. But at least I have an answer for these three.
If you would like to browse through the list of support sites I've complied, click here.
To view the awards this site has won, please click here.
Also, these poems, found on Mr. Mom's web site, were just too precious. Please visit it, read the poems, and check out the memory pages.
©2003 Lorraine Yuriar
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