a new look

Yup. been a while.  but it’s my blog… so… whatevs right?  anyway… I’ve got a brand new look here @ DieCut Bytes.  The theme is from SimplyWP, but I made the graphics my own.  I used my “Keepsakes” kit, which was part of larger kit Scrap Outside the Box put together for Creating Keepsakes a few years back.  The bow in the header however, is not mine.  It comes from a kit by Anita Stergiou.

I’ve got some plans for this space… but that will have to wait.  The holidays are here, and there are too many things that need doing.

Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies!

Let me just say, right now, I have nothing against CTs or Designers. I love designers, I love their designs. I have my favs, everyone does. I love CTs, the job they do for their designers is just awesome.

I’m not trying to start a fight, or pick on anyone or anything. I promise. I don’t need more drama. I’ve got my very own PinkDiva, who keeps me supplied with all the drama I can handle.

For me, this is about finding the passion for scrapping all over again. Which means working through the issues that bog me down. Blogging is cheaper then therapy, so here I am.

There is a dark side to being a Designer, especially if you are not a well known one. The two years I spent in the design business has definitely affected me.

and since I promised cookies… Here’s a layout I did back in 2005.

Pinwheels

*click the image for details.

a slow and painful death

That’s what my desktop is suffering. A slow and painful death. I needed to convert some old PSPimages overr to PSD to work on them, and discovered the desktop where my copy of PSP lives, is sick. I think I need to reformat, though that’s hard to do when the machine won’t read from the CD Drive. I’m a bit nervous about it, and not quite sure what to do with it. At this point, it’s a real mess, and I may have no choice but to wipe it clean and hope I can get it started again.

yuk.

I thought about returning to designing…

But as I researched options and looked at what the community has been up to since I left, I remembered why I left.

While I was busy researching my options, my frustration level and anger kept building. When I started getting pissed at the kids for stupid stuff at the breakfast table, it suddenly dawned on me… why? Why am I doing this to myself? Do I think it’s easy money? Because I sure as hell know it’s not! Yes, it would be nice to have some cash in my paypal account again, but I do not *need* it. Instead, I’m going to revisit the reasons why I started scrapbooking in the first place. I used to love it. Designing killed that love, the creative outlet. I want to scrapbook again, yet it’s like I don’t know how. I need to think about what is important to me, and why I scrap. I need to stay away from online websites. Galleries that used to be fun places to get feedback and share layouts are now almost exclusively commercials, as CTM (creative team member – a person hired by designers to scrap with said designer’s kits and post to as many galleries as possible in an effort to advertise the designer) after CTM post such glorified works of art designed to make you want to buy the product they used so that you too can produce, not just an ordinary layout, but a work of art. *ahhhhhh* The digiscrap community is chock full of people who are all jockeying for positions on CTMs, hoping to make it so they can score the free product. Then there is the piracy, ever so prevalent, and the crappy people who steal money and make everyone else in the biz look bad. The constantly changing Terms Of Use as to what you can use commercially, and what you can’t. The fonts. Don’t get me started on font designers. UGH!

Why? Why would I do that to myself?? What do I think I need to prove? Isn’t being a wife, a mother, a teacher, a maid, a personal shopper, a chauffeur, a nutritionist, a chef, a financial planner, a plumber, a mechanic, a painter, a repairman, an organizer, a laundress, I mean… I could go on and on. Isn’t that enough? Why do I feel the need to earn money doing something that will actually hinder my ability to perform all those other jobs?

I don’t *need* the money. Oh, it would be nice. Yes it would. Especially since DH retires in 2 years, and we haven’t a clue what he will do then. We could wind up unemployed for months. I pray not. But if we are, money will be very tight around here. It would be nice to have some “mad money” built up in my paypal again. But at what cost? At what cost?

I’m going to try to rediscover my love for digital scrapbooking. Hopefully I can finish some of the albums I have in progess. I can’t tell you how ate up with guilt I get everytime tPD picks up her baby ablum, with only two layouts in it, and declares that mommy needs to “finish it” so she can read about herself as a baby. Talk about guilt. I have to get past the perfectionism. It doesn’t have to be a perfect work of art. Hell it’s digital!! If I want to change something later, all I have to do is edit the PSD file!! It just has to get done. I know I can do it… I just have to feel like it. You know??

Here’s hoping I can rekindle the romance between myself and Photoshop.

Will you join me?