AI: the ATL auditions

Ok… so Mary J Blige is in the house! Awesome! I adore her song “Fine“.

First dude out is stiff, and wooden, and singing his own “original” song… He starts in a really bad falsetto, and goes into a deep bass so low I can’t hear it.  but I so don’t care… Oh… and this poor guy just doesn’t know when to walk away. *sigh*

Lil’ Miss Congeniality is doing Celine Dion. She puts a nice twist on things…  based on what we’ve seen so far, she’ll be through.  She’s a cutie pie.  I almost snorted my soda when Kara said “I love that you don’t make any crazy faces when you sing.”  *cough Jessica Simpson cough*

This touches off a parade of females who can sing pretty decently.  Leading us to Jermaine, who takes care of his mom who has Spina-bifida.  He’s doing Joan Osbourne.  I’m not sure how I feel about the song, but what he did with it… rocked.

Kristy Marie is a TV show hostess.  Who thinks she’s just to promote her show?  Yea…  I’m not buying her vocals at all, it’s way to choppy for that song… LOL @ Simon! “Singing is my life! I wanna go to hollywood!” Simon: “Not with that audition.” LOL!!

And Kristy touches off the loser parade, which leads us to Vanessa, a “bridge jumper” from Tennessee…  and she sounds hillbilly too.  Whatcha bet she sings country? DH says “DUH! whatcha u think, she’s gonna get up there and sing Shakira?”  Aaaaand…  no, I just don’t dig this one…  but somehow the judges like her and think she’s a “authentic country girl”…  I swear to you, when Simon said she was through she totally said “Are you cereal??” and then told her momma she’d be riding on an “Aire-O-Plane” …  I can not make this stuff up.  There is almost no way this girl makes it through Hollywood Week.

As hillbilly as this next guy sounds…  the AI producers are making completely fun of him with the “cheap dramatization” of his supposed 3 near death experiences.  And now he’s taking way too long to start his audition, and Mary cracked up laughing!  Kara’s trying to cover with the “Oh, Mary’s upset… ”  Mary gets herself under control, and Randy gets the kid started on a Garth Brooks song.  As soon as he starts, Mary cracks up again, and Simon just tells him “No.”  AI producers give us the treat of hearing the real Garth, while watch the next edition of the loser parade.

Oh. Noes. It’s the human guitar. She’s wearing her halloween costume to sing… *sigh* WOW! This little tiny voice turned into a deep power voice.  The guitar costume threw Mary off, but the girl told Simon he was “gorgeous” and she’s actually through.

The loser parade leads to Mallorie, who is actually good.  So good I rewound and listened twice.  There is a good possibility that this chick could be one of our finalists. She ushers in a Winners Parade! and Woo! Hot ‘Lanta is Hawt!

Oh…  Skii Bo Ski’s shirt is spelled wrong, “but that’s y we get discounts.” I’ll admit, I had him pegged as a loser in the holding room.  His voice is… not bad.  Mary & Randy agree – the vocal is ok, but the image sucks.  Mary J Blige tells him to make his image to match his vocals and he’ll do well.

OMG Ya’ll!  It’s the BFFs! Woo!!  And they make the cardinal mistake of auditioning together.  Simon tells them to form a group cuz apart they are boring, but together they are funny.  The blonde is through, the brunnette is in tears.

Simon has left because the latest round of the loser parade has given him a migraine.  And in walks the “street-wise cop.”  The cop is good.  Very Good.  He’s soooo through.

Lamar is super psyched to perform for Mary J Blige.  He goes with Seal’s Kiss From a Rose, and just tortures it.  Randy and Kara try to let him down easy… but he doesn’t get it.  Mary tells him to stop “elevating himself” or whatever, and he so doesn’t get, and keeps going until they have to call in the goons to chase him off.  Mary said she was scared of him and swears she thought he was gonna pull a piece.  He curses the whole way out to the street as security walks him like a block away from the venue.

One last audition, and there is no way this guy is going through cuz he’s too old.  But his song “Pants on the ground” is HI-Larious! “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground! Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground!”  This song is soooo going to be on YouTube soon.

LOL! they had the whole crowd singing “Pants on the Ground”, aw… that’s awesome.

Correction, it’s already on Youtube! Enjoy (until fox finds it and pulls it)

and another version, filmed by another contestant on the show:

So that was the ATL. See ya’ll next time.