To my 17 yr old self:
Dear 17 yr old me,
You know how you and your best friend are always telling each other, “Or something better!” It came from something you heard at some youth event, or conference or something (‘fession time! your 32 yr old self doesn’t remember it all that well!). It has to do with God’s plan for your life, and how if He’s not giving you what you are asking for, it’s because He has something better planned for you. Well, hang on sweetie, it’s coming!
I know it’s hard right now. You think your life will walk a certain path that involves a certain guy, if only he would wake up and smell the awesome that is you. Hunny, trust me. Something much better is headed your way.
Remember that dream you had last year? The one about the black haired guy with the most beautiful, kindest, big brown eyes you had ever seen? He’s real. Remember a few days later when he-who-shall-not-be-named was giving you grief over some stupid thing, and this dream guy’s face popped into your head, and you thought, “Wow. He would never treat me this way.” He won’t.
You will meet that dream guy, but not for a few years. He will turn out to be everything you never knew you needed, and everything you never thought you deserved. Hold out for it hunny.
He will give you everything you’re dreaming of but don’t think will ever happen. Without giving too much away, you will be a wife, and a mother, and damn good one too.
There will be pain & heartache. But trust me, God has blessed your broken road, and brought you to something so much better then anything you are imagining now.
There is one thing I wish you would do for me. When you are 30, and your father lands in the hospital, don’t hesitate. Run to his side.
On second thought, don’t. Listen & believe your mom when she insists that you don’t need to. I’m kinda glad my last memory of him is of him walking out the door, heading to work, instead of hooked to machines in a hospital room. But please, hand that phone around to the kids and your husband that last Saturday. Give them a chance to say goodbye.
Love your 32 year old self.