American Idol is back!

Honestly, I quit watching during the last season, and wasn’t planning to watch this season.  I think Idol  jumped the shark a few seasons back.  But I’m intrigued to see how Ellen does as judge this year.  Paula is… well… Paula. As encouraging as she could be, I was pretty tired of her “Kittens! Sunshine! WOO!” palm-clap thing.  I’ll be typing while watching, all stream-of-consciousness style, so forgive the spelling errors, LOLspeak, and excessive use of the ellipsis plz…  So here we go.

9000 fans, in Fenway park, in the cold and rain.  Yea, that’s good for the voice. /sarcasm.  Oh hey! we’re not even past the opening credits and I’ve already seen the first  “Oh HAIL NOE!” … A dude in a mint green super tight tee, with pink fairy wings and a tiara. Please tell me this was his 15 seconds of fame and we won’t have to endure him later. Oh well, on with the show.

Dude.  First contestant – it always sux to b the first…  but dude…  just because you can sing in front of a video game, doesn’t mean you should. Plz go home now.

hey AI producers – wtg exploiting the down syndrome brothers to get contestant 2 a sob story.  She has a decent voice… a little shaky, but decent…  u cud have let her stand on her own…

Oh Noes! Pat Ford… Plz just stop. You are a trainwreck. First plz don’t dance anymore… and oh my word…  He’s singing Britney’s Womanizer!  Oh plz…  just end this… Oh, and he’s picking a fight with Simon…  surefire way to get camera time.  Dude! if Randy tells him to “stop singing forever” then yea…  this guy is BAD.

Jazz Chick is good… and a whole series of decent voiced females continue the parade.  Dude.  AI doesn’t sell enough commericials in their 5 minute spots…  so their now selling ads during the show? Nice little Ford ad down there guys… Ugh.

Mobster dude has a decent voice… and we haven’t put any guys through yet, so… he’ll make it.

Hippie Derek…  no. make it stop. I’m fast-forwarding.  Oh! and Derek touches off the loser parade…  Weep, weep, sob, sob.

Ooo… Anime chick… who wants to bet she’s here to get the camera time to hype her fashion line…  I mean, costume changes in the holding room…  yea… oh! and as soon as she opens her mouth its sooo obvious that’s exactly what this is… and yea, pick a fight a with Simon to get more face time on camera.  *sigh* I’m so over this.

But there is hope… Seems to be a group of guys messing around with harmonies in the holding room who all sound really good.  WTG guys!

Andrew really doesn’t have the personality for this show.  He’s sporting some serious BC’s.  He starts off bad by being pissy with Seacrest, the camera man, Simon…  everyone…  oh! OW!!! His singing… no…  and now he’s fighting with Kara… Bad move.  Like Simon says, he’s very sulky, aggressive, etc… and yea..  and like Posh says, he doesn’t have the goods to back it up. LOL! Kara says he needs a spanking and this show just veered into the gutter.  Poor guy, he seems utterly shell-shocked at the girls’ reaction.

Oh good grief…  Boston is full of Music Colleges…  that means ALOT of sucky, uber-affected voices all of whom genuinely think they can sing, cuz they go to music school! WOO! Ugh.

Ashley is pretty good out of the gate…  Ha. Kara tells her she’s got a look that is very “commercial”.  That’s Kara-ese for “U R Hawt. U will sell records with ur bewbies.”  But she’s got the voice to back it up, so she’s through.

The drummer who broke both wrists… I have a feeling this will end badly.  The judges rag on him for his retro look… wow…  pleasantly surprised with this guy…  Tyler – he’s got a nice voice, and gets 4 yeses.

So, Day 2.  The waitress with alot of confidence who is self-taught by singing along with Mariah Carey… Yea… this isn’t going to end well.  Aaaand….  it doesn’t.  Uh, Buh-bye!

Speedboat dude has the voice, and wow… one of the better ones I’ve heard so far. How does Randy think that wasn’t good? Was he listening to the same audition? Whateva.  He’s through.

16 yr old Katie is amazing… even without the backstory of the gramma with Alzheimers… She’s got a voice that stands on it own.

Joshua has the hard job of following Katie.  He’s a little flat in places, and really, dude, pick a note.  Randy tries to give him assertiveness lessons by having him yell at Simon, who isn’t doing anything yet.  They put him through, but he won’t make it through Hollywierd Hell Week.

Seacrest shows us a bit of the behind-the-scenes action.  And to illustrate how intimidating all that sound equipment, crew, & lighting can be, we are treated to a series of really bad singing, including the William Hung Wanna-Be.

And… It’s cancer boy’s turn.  They’ve been hyping him all episode, so you know he’s got a voice and will make it.  He’s got a nice sound, very mellow.  Simon loves it, you can tell by his smile.  Victoria takes a page out of Kara’s book and judges him based on his “nice face, girls will love you.”  Of course he’s through.

oh no. the Micheal Jackson wanna-be. Costumes are generally an indication of an attention whore with a really bad voice.  Simon nails this one, “You sing like a 3 yr old girl, you dress like Latoya Jackson…” Yea, just no. Buh-bye dude.

The son of Nigerian immigrants, Bosa, is pretty ok.  That’s a country song, and he put a nice twist on it.  Randy is the deciding vote, and Bosa is through.  He needs to work on his attitude, he was a little shaky.  Not sure if he will make it through Hell week though.

This last girl had me a little worried, cuz she was almost in tears before she even started…   But she has a really nice voice.  She’s a little shaky because she’s so nervous. She needs some confidence if she’s to survive Hollywood.

So that’s a wrap.  32 people from the Boston auditions have tickets to Hollywood, and thankfully we never saw the mint fairy thing from the opening credits.  Tomorrow night AI goes to Atlanta with – looks like – Mary J Blige?  Should be fun, see you then.